Chuck vs the Nacho
by Destany Mitchell
Summary: Team Bartowski goes out to the bar after a mission. Chaos ensues - of the fun kind. Kind of a crack fic my friend challenged me to. Her requirements were "crack" and Chuck must say "It's on like Donkey Kong".


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Chuck. If I did, Season 4 would not have ended the way it did and that is all I will say about that to avoid spoiling anyone out there who might not have seen it. Point being, I don't own it…though I wish I owned Zack Levi. Kidding. Sort of.

**A/N**: This is a total crack fic that was challenged to me by my BF who's prompt was "crack fic" and "Chuck has to say 'It's on like Donkey Kong'". This is what I came up with. Enjoy it or don't, I was amused and so was she. No big spoilers, but set somewhere in Season 4. Chuck still has the intersect and he and Sarah are engaged. So...pick your plot line and go with it.

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><p>Chuck vs. the Nacho<p>

Team Bartowski had just completed another successful mission. Another evil arms dealer was behind bars, never to sell another weapon to some deadly assassin person. The Team was feeling good and pumped from adrenaline and that sense of relief that came from knowing another successful job well done. There was no messy clean up. No loose ends. No escapees that needed to be tracked down. There was no deadly weapon that fell into the wrong hands. No one was hurt, bloody, or even bruised. It was a complete success.

After the debriefing was completed with Beckman, Morgan Grimes turned to his friends, old and new, and said simply "We should go out."

Casey just grunted his response.

Before Chuck or Sarah could ask Morgan to clarify what he meant by 'we should go out' the compact-but-never-short man decided to clarify what he meant.

"I mean, come on! We never celebrate. It's just FLASH! Chase bad guys, nearly get killed, arrest bad guys, get chased again, report to Beckman, and repeat. We need to unwind! To team build! We need"

"Morgan," Sarah said, calmly. "We do not"

"We need to go to a bar!" Morgan proclaimed, ignoring Sarah's beginnings of a protest.

"He does have a point." Chuck stated, shrugging. "We really don't just…hang. As a Team. As Teams should."

"See! Chuck gets it!"

Casey gave his grunt of disapproval and turned away from his team mates and went over to the weapon's cage. If he was going to listen to this…nonsense, he needed to be cleaning a gun. His hands needed to be busy so he wouldn't strangle his daughter's boyfriend. She probably would not appreciate that. Though he'd love to. Maybe.

"Well…we…well what about last week when we all had dinner at that restaurant?" Sarah suggested, trying to get Morgan off the bar train. It like it might be an alright thing, but she wasn't so sure about a bar. Sarah, for one, did not think she would trust a drunk John Casey. For all she knew he'd be an angry drunk. Or an emotional one. She wasn't sure which would be worst.

"Stake outs don't count." Morgan stated grimly.

"Come on, Sarah," Chuck said, grinning at his fiancé and giving her his puppy eyes, the eyes he knew she couldn't resist. He kept his gaze on Sarah until he saw the signs of her caving. He grinned and turned to look at Casey, who had just disassembled the largest gun in Castle. Chuck knew he could flash on it and know everything there was to know about it, but he really didn't think it was necessary.

"Ca-asey"

"Don't turn those puppy eyes on me, Bartowski," Casey growled. "They won't work on me."

"True…"

"Chuck, Chuck, I got this…" Morgan said, patting his best friend on the arm. Chuck just looked at Morgan, confused. Morgan coughed. "Casey…remember that….incident last week when"

"Shut your mouth, Grimes." Casey said, pointing the section of the gun he had in his hand a Morgan, wishing Vera was fully assembled so he could shut up Grimes before he tattled.

"Oh, come on, John. It wasn't that bad"

Casey leapt from his seat and launched himself at Morgan, who screeched like a girl, yelled "CHUCK! SAVE ME!"as ran behind Chuck and used him as a human shield.

"Bartowski, if you know what's good for you, you will move and let me at him!"

"DON'T DO IT CHUCK!" Morgan yelled as he turned himself and Chuck around to counter Casey's movements.

"Morgan, you're going to get us both killed." Chuck said, his voice shaky, trying not to flash on his friend and fellow spy.

"Doesn't our friendship mean anything to you?" Morgan yelled, nearly hysterical. "And, Casey, I'll tell if you don't come out with us! I don't care if you kill me. And Chuck."

"Thanks, buddy." Chuck said, dryly, nervously watching Casey's movements for anything offensive. He'd flash on his friend if he had to. He wasn't about to die because Morgan was stupid enough to poke a stick at Casey.

"You know you love us, Casey."

Casey just grunted.

"Was that an 'I approve' grunt I hear?" Morgan stage-whispered to Chuck, his voice sounding light.

"I think that was the 'I am going to enjoy killing the nerds' grunt," Chuck whispered back. "Hey! Why aren't you helping me? Casey could very well kill me trying to get to Morgan!" Chuck yelled at his Fiance, who was leaning against a pillar, smirking in amusement at the men around her, while keeping a cautious eye on Casey, who was still glaring at Morgan, who was peering his head around his Bestie to see if it was clear or not.

"Oh, I wouldn't have let him kill you, Honey." Sarah said, grinning.

"Oh. I feel so assured," Chuck said, sarcastically, turning back to Casey, eyeing his…Casey-ness. "Um…Casey…not to um…rush you or anything….but…are you going to try and kill Morgan? Because…well…"

"Alright." Casey said, his face betraying no emotions.

"Oh. Ok. Right." Chuck stated, still looking nervous. "um..but just to clarify…"

"We go," Casey stated, simply. "If Grimes agrees to keep his mouth shut about…" Casey closed his eyes and took a moment to compose himself, "certain…events."

"DEAL!" Morgan yelled, shoving his friend away from him and grinned at the Team. "I knew he wouldn't kill me. He lurves me too much."

Casey's hand twitched and he started to move to the table.

"Kidding!" Chuck yelled, moving between Casey and Vera. "Morgan was just…kidding. Like Morgan does. Sometimes." He laughed nervously. "Right, Morgan?"

"Yeah, whatever, Chuck," Morgan said, waving his hand and giving Sarah a look that said 'he's crazy'. "Come along little doggies! Let's make like a banana and split!"

Morgan announced as he headed towards the stairs of Castle.

"You did not just say that," Chuck groaned as he got strange looks from Casey and Sarah.

"It's your fault, Bartowski, if Grimes ends up…" Casey didn't finish, and got a far away, almost happy look to his face. Chuck gulped.

"Casey, no killing Morgan." Sarah said, her voice stern. "You, be on your best behavior" Sarah turned her attention from from Casey to Chuck. "You, make sure Morgan doesn't do anything that would case Casey to get…violent."

"What will you do?"

"Supervise."

Sarah grinned at Chuck before she kissed him. Before he could respond, she pulled away and ran up the stairs after Morgan.

Chuck looked confused and then looked at Casey who growled in response.

"Right, ok…" Chuck took a deep breath before heading towards the exit, Casey behind him (Vera-less, of course). "How bad can it be?" He muttered.

The drive to the bar was uneventful. As they pulled to a stop, Chuck muttered under his breath "Two super-spies, a computer, and a side-kick walk into a bar…"

"That does sound like the beginning of a lame-ass joke." Morgan, said, his voice mournful.

"Yeah…shame." Chuck agreed with a sigh of regret. The Van was parked and Casey came around to the back, forgetting they were just going into a bar and not about to walk into the inner sanctum of some scumbag out to destroy America.

"So, hands in, come on, hands in…Casey! Hand in!" Chuck scolded, still holding a brief even though this was supposed to be a normal night out. "So…right, Team. We go in, we drink, we have fun. No spy stuff." Chuck, said the last part to Casey and Sarah. "Got it? Good. Annnnnnnd….BREAK!"

The group just looked at Chuck blankly.

"Oh, come on! I always wanted to say that…ya know, like they do in football or whatever?"

"Never do that again, Bartowski." Casey said with a growl before he opened the back of the van as Chuck pouted.

Sarah Walker had been in many situations in her life. They started when she was little and her dad used her in part of his Cons. It only grew when she became a Spy and worked with the CIA. When she thought things couldn't get odder, she was assigned to the Intersect Project. She was pretty sure nothing in life could surprise her.

She didn't factor in sitting at a bar in Burbank, California with John Casey, Chuck Bartowski, and Morgan Grimes. As the self-proclaimed Designated Driver and babysitter for the boys, Sarah sat back and watched them all as they downed shot after shot (Casey) and fruity alcoholic drink (Chuck and Morgan).

Chuck and Morgan were not much different drunk as they were sober. If anything, they were even more nerdy as they giggled like school girls at each other's geek-y references, some of which Sarah was pained to admit, she even caught. Most soared way over her head. Even more surprising, Casey was….friendly. It was…weird. He even hugged her at one point and she had glanced at her watch and made a mental note to find the security tape before Casey could erase its existence. She was a spy after all. Who knew when that video would be useful.

Sarah had left the table for no more than five minutes to duck into the bathroom when she came back to Chuck and Morgan seated across from each other, and Casey cat-calling, as the best friends sat with their hands clasped, elbows on the table, apparently arm wrestling. She froze where she stood, not quite processing what she was seeing. It seemed Morgan and Chuck were locked in a stale-mate, neither stronger than the other. She shook her head and walked over to the table, not sure if she should break up this…macho male thing or not.

"You are going down, Bartowski."

"I don't think so, Grimes," Chuck stated, his voice serious.

"I got money on Bartowski." Casey stated, grinning as he watched with glee the two friends wrestling.

"Casey, that…that hurts. I thought we were friends."

Casey grunted.

"Yeah…cuz that makes things better." Morgan stated, and turned his full attention back to chuck. "And don't think I'm gonna let that distract me! You are never going to win!"

"Think again, Morgan…" Chuck said confidently. Two seconds later, Morgan's hand was pinned to the table and Chuck's free hand shot towards the plate with the last nacho on it. Chuck grinned as he bit into it as Morgan yelled "Nooooo!"

"…were you just…arm wrestling over Nachos?" Sarah asked as she took her seat next to Chuck. Chuck turned to Sarah.

"Ssssarah! You're baaaaack!" Chuck slurred as he hugged his fiancé. "I got the last nacho." He said, proudly as he at the last piece. Morgan whimpered.

"You cheated!" Morgan yelled from across the table, pointing at Chuck, or attempting to. His finger was actually just to the left and wavering a bit as he glared at his friend.

"Did not!"

"Did to! You flasssshed! You cheeeeeted and ussssed The Iiiiinter...int…int-er-ssssect to beat me!" Morgan accused, stumbling over the word Intersect.

"It'sssss not cheating, Morgan! It'ssss in me head! It'sssss not liiiiiike I can jussssst…ttturn it offffff!"

"You admit it! You cheated!"

"Sssarah, tellll Morgan, I did NOT cheat." Chuck said, turning his attention to his fiancé.

"Oh…no. I am not getting in the middle of this."

"Some Finance you turned out to be," Chuck muttered, using finance instead of fiancé. "You're supposed to sup-sup-support me." Chuck pouted again.

"That's what you get for being a cheater!" Morgan accused.

"Am not!"

"Cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater!"

Casey giggled at the childish reference that Morgan spouted. "Pumpkin-eater," he muttered before being overcome with hysterics.

"Oh…my…god." Sarah took a deep breath. "OK, Boys, we're done. You're cut off."

"No," Chuck said seriously. "Not until we settle thissss."

"Yeah! He a cheater!"

"Alright. That's it." Chuck said, leaping up from his seat, he stumbled a bit and Morgan followed suit, swaying on his feet, but managing to stand upright.

"You are going down, Man."

"Oh, it's on Buddy. It's on like Donkey Kong," Chuck said, his voice and eyes dead serious.

Sarah continued to look confused. She wasn't sure if she should break up the fight…was this even a fight? Or let it go.

"Them's fighting words!" Morgan yelled back.

"I know, right?"

The boys giggled and tried to fist bump, but missed. They both stumbled a step or two and then straightened and look at each other, seriousness (at least, as serious as two drunks could get) in their faces.

"Chuck…Morgan, you guys don't want to fight." Sarah said, not sure if they were going to get into it or not.

"Sssarah, let the Men handle this, ok?" Morgan said, rolling his eyes.

"Don't talk to Sssarah like that!"

"I will talk to Sssarah anyway I want!"

"Boys, boys, boys….let's just…settle this." Casey said, getting up from his seat and wrapping an arm around Morgan and then one around Chuck. "With a hug!"

"YAY!" Chuck yelled as he threw his arms around Casey. "HUGS!"

"HEY! I WANT TO HUG CASEY!" Morgan yelled, hitting his friend and forcing him to move so Morgan could also throw his arms around Casey. The three men grinned like idiots, laughing like nothing had happened.

"Who are you and what have you done with John Casey?" Sarah asked, watching, appalled, and trying to decide if she could pay the bar tender enough cash to get a copy of the security tapes for the night.

The next morning came too fast.

At least, to Chuck, Morgan, and Casey.

A chorus of groans filled the room as the three men awoke from their drunken stupor.

"Oh….my head…" Chuck groaned as he opened his eyes, squinting against the natural light that flooded the living room.

Living room?

Chuck shook his head, trying to recall how he ended up in the living room. He didn't do anything that would make Sarah mad at him and kick him to the doghouse…at least, he's heard of the proverbial doghouse. Last thing he remembered was going to the bar, drinking a couple drinks, and something about nachos and donkey kong….

"Dude…no so loud…"

"Morgan?"

"Chuck?"

"Shut up, Morons!"

"CASEY?" A double chorus of Chuck and Morgan.

Casey growled and opened his eyes, and sat up, determined to kill the nerds who were making his headache even worst.

The three men looked at each other, their expressions going from annoyance, to deer-in-headlights. Someone screamed as they all jumped apart and scatted amongst the living room, as if spreading out could make the massive cuddle they woke up disappear.

"We will never speak of this!" Casey hissed as Sarah came running into the room, weapon drawn, looking alert and ready for action.

"Who's there?" She demanded as she stepped further into the room.

"N-nothing. Just…Morgan saw a spider." Chuck stammered.

"Why did you scream?" Sarah asked.

"I didn't scream."

"Yes you did. I'd know that girly scream anywhere."

Chuck looked annoyed at Sarah.

"I didn't scream!" Chuck argued. "And…I don't…scream…like a girl."

"Yes you do, Bartowski." Casey stated, leaping over the couch and heading for the door. "I'm gonna go home and…" Casey waved a hand and left the apartment. Morgan looked at Chuck then at the door Casey left and back to Chuck.

"I…I don't think I can…"

"You can stay, Morgan." Chuck stated as Morgan looked relieved. "Do I even want to ask what happened last night?" Chuck asked Sarah as she came over and gave him a kiss.

"Mmmm. All you need to wonder about, is how much money I'm going to make off Casey with the tapes from last night." She shot him a wicked grin and headed back towards the bedroom.

"We're doomed." Chuck said, his voice going high for a moment.

"Dude, we have bigger problems." Morgan stated.

"Oh."

"Oh yes."

"Like what, Morgan? Casey is going to murder us and Sarah so he can burn the evidence."

"Dude. You Cheated." Morgan stated, his voice serious.

Chuck pursed his lips in annoyance and prepared himself for round two.

~ Fin


End file.
